Gris' fantasies of driving a metal spike into Heller's frontal lobe are interrupted by the Widow Tayl, who whispers that she has something to show him. Since he has a few hours to spare, Gris is happy to be led to a secluded part of the manor. He's particularly appreciative of the doctor's efforts to tighten up and de-wart the widow.
I looked her up and down. I began to feel excited. I walked over to the pad and lay down, smiling at her invitingly. I became aroused, which I had never been before with her.
What? But then how could you... and she... the cherub fell down and... what?
I guess the, ah, "mechanics" of Voltarian reproduction are a little different than our puny Earth mating rituals, since a Voltarian male is able to participate without, ahem, showing any interest.
It gets weirder. Rather than tearing into Gris and having her way with him (whether he wanted to or not) the widow lays down beside Gris, both of them still fully clothed, and folds her arms behind her head. She wants to know who that man was who arrived with him.
And though I hate for this chapter to be mostly quotes from the book:
Her eyes, luminous as always, began to grow opaque. Her breath began to quicken. "When I first saw him," she whispered, "I thought he was some woods God. So strong
Okay, gotta interrupt: Hubbard, what the hell is it with you and the woods? Why are the majority of the half-assed mythological references you make in this story prefaced with the word "woods?" What is it about arboreal Voltarians that made them come up with so many woods nymphs, woods devils, woods gods, and so on? Is this slang, the alien equivalent of "the sticks," indicating a dismissive attitude towards religion? Are woods-born supernatural entities more popular than, say, desert devils or sea gods? Does this make sense to you and you've just neglected to explain it to your readers, or are you just smashing words together?
so powerful."
The lamp in the ceiling began to swing and the music took on a throb. "He stepped out of the airbus so smoothly... so smoothly... so smoothly..."
A huge multipetalled blossom by the door seemed to grow larger. "Oh. Oh. Oh. OH!" cried Pratia and the blossom burst like an explosion!
I lay there, fully clothed, propped on my elbow, staring. What the Hells was going on? She wasn't even touching me!
There are no words... well, okay, there's plenty of words, but I'll restrict myself to repeating "what the hell?"
She explicitly still has her hands behind her head the entire time! But the light fixture keeps rocking and... and the flower exploded, I know that's a metaphor but... just from disembarking the damned airbus. He didn't even know she was there! He didn't so much as look at her!
This happens four more times. The widow "reminisces" about how Heller's toes "caressed the ground," how his shadow fell in a certain spot, and how took off his cap and put it in his pocket. It isn't until the third time that Gris realizes that the widow might not be interested in him after all, and he angrily leaves. And that's the chapter.
So, let it be known that Jettero Heller is so awesome that he can bring a woman to the heights of ecstasy just by how he gets out of a car and walks inside, without any physical interaction whatsoever.
This is... stupid. Pointless and stupid. It isn't erotic, it isn't funny, it's baffling and weird and delaying this awful book's ending.
Back to Chapter One
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